Right here, right now

Last night I watched the short documentary film “Cristina” on Netflix, the story about an amazing 37-year old woman with cancer and her ongoing battle with the disease. Although our cancers and situations are quite different, I could still however relate to much of what Cristina went through each step of the way in her journey, and of course, was pulling for her right until the end in her courageous battle.

Cristina made some very powerful and meaningful observations and quotes which I could relate to and that really inspired me.

“Every day counts. The blessing of cancer is living right now. It’s almost like the closer you are to dying the more alive you become, and that to me is really the truth”

After watching this film, I began to once again think about the concept of “enjoying the moment”, something that I have thought long and hard about particularly in the past six years since surviving my heart incident against those crazy odds.

It’s easy to say things like “enjoy life”, “enjoy the moment”, “love your family”, and “appreciate what you have” - but actually “living it” is much more difficult and something that we don’t always do. It shouldn’t have to be this way. Sometimes we may feel guilty about perhaps not always “living” this way in our daily lives, but the fact is that our lives are busy and we are constantly under pressure at work, at home, and within our family/children and relationships. It’s not always easy to just sit back, take a deep breath, and slow things down and enjoy the moment. This is perhaps where yoga and meditation comes in. I started getting back into yoga a few weeks ago and it’s helped a lot.

It’s unfortunate that in today’s society we tend to measure a lot of things in dollars, but this is the world we live in. Particularly when we compare different jobs, job titles, levels, careers, we always tend to look at the hourly wage or annual salary. Satisfaction and time don’t seem to fare into it as much, yet these are factors that greatly contribute to whether you find happiness or misery in your work, and whichever that is, it trickles down into every aspect of your everyday life.

Many years ago I left a fairly stressful but high paying job for a lower paying, low stress job, one that allowed me to work regular (normal) hours, something I hadn’t done for many years. I came to realize how important it was to have that stress removed, and to have all that extra time to be able to do things that were previously not possible. It definitely allowed me to have a look at things from a completely different perspective, and to subsequently become aware and have an appreciation of a different way of measuring and prioritizing what is important in life.

Right at the very end of the documentary film, Cristina talks about how she feels that perhaps her purpose in life was to tell people to “Wake Up”. In her own words:

“Tomorrow is never really there, yesterday is definitely gone. So right now is the only gift you have and that is what you have to share with everybody”

As I watched the film last night, I hoped for a happy ending. I was somehow thinking that it might end with Cristina beating the disease. I realize of course that at these stages you can’t ever beat it as becomes an ongoing, lifelong battle, but I was still hoping that it would end on some sort of a positive note.

Sadly, Cristina Weigmann lost her battle with cancer 5 months after her second cancer diagnosis (she initially had breast cancer and it returned). Doctors had initially told her that she could have years to live, which gave her hope, but it was not meant to be. I’ve also had a number of different opinions and prognosis over the past few weeks but it’s one of those things that you can’t rely on or think about too much, particularly since the variables seem to change almost daily. The best you can do is to remain positive and optimistic and hope for the best.

Cristina's life and words have inspired me and will have a lasting impact. She is 100% right, all we have is “Right here, right now”.

Tomorrow I will have my blood test which will determine whether my cancer treatments have been effective or not, and I will likely know the results next Wednesday. The best case scenario would be that my PSA levels have dropped significantly in response to the cancer medications and that the current method is working. So, as per usual, a few more days of waiting and suspense - something that we’ve grown accustomed to over the past couple of months.

I will keep you all posted with the latest news. In the meantime friends enjoy each moment that we have here on this earth and appreciate life, I think it's the best we can do!



Documentary: “Cristina”, Director Michèle Ohayon - http://www.cristinathemovie.com/

One day at a time

It’s always interesting to see how things can change. One day you’re up, another you’re down – one day there is good news and the next there is not so good news. The title of my last blog post was “Prognosis positive” because it was just confirmed that the root cause of the cancer was prostate, which was a much better prognosis had it been upper gastrointestinal (stomach or esophagus).

This past week I received the results of my prostate ultrasound and biopsy and the news was not so great. In terms of prostate testing, a benchmark called the Gleason Score was developed using values going up to 10. Patterns of cells in the prostate tissue are evaluated and the most common cell pattern is given a grade of 1 (most like normal cells) to 5 (most abnormal). The two most common grades are then added together to make the Gleason score.

A high Gleason score (such as 10) means a high-grade prostate tumor. High-grade tumors are more likely than low-grade tumors to grow quickly and spread. Unfortunately my Gleason score has come back as a high value of 9.

I have now been put on a combination of medication and injections to treat the cancer, and currently, these methods are being using to treat not only the prostate cancer but the cancer found in my bones and spine as well. In two weeks, my doctor will evaluate my blood PSA levels to see how I have responded to these cancer treatments so far. This will be a big test and then determine the next course of action. Hopefully I will receive an early Christmas present the week of December 19 when the results are in and hear that I am responding well to this current plan.

Over the next week I will be finally off my dreaded Dexamethasone steroid medication which is welcome news for me (and my family for that matter!). I’m hoping that after I get off this drug I will be able to drive again, work full time, and things will start to slowly get back to normal again (or as normal as they can be at this point).

Overall I feel good. It’s a nice time of year. We’ve just put up our Christmas tree and the kids are really excited about the holidays. Kathryn has booked our vacation and the plan is to spend the holidays with my family, then Kathryn’s family in Montreal, and fly to Europe and visit Croatia, Paris, France, as well as a stop in Zurich, Switzerland. We’re all really looking forward to this trip and I know that it will be something that we will never forget.

Yesterday I received a second delivery of incredible Edible Arrangements from Susan and Doug – 2 boxes worth! Both boxes were finished within 3 hours – it was actually a bit embarrassing (those chocolate covered banana things are crazy Susan I won't tell you how many I had!!) - thanks Susan and Doug it was just what the doctor ordered and thanks once again to all my friends and family for your concern and well wishes. As always it’s much appreciated and I will continue to keep you all posted with my news.

Decorating the tree